What most people don’t get about bullying is that its not a singular event. It is a food chain. From top to bottom the cycle runs harmoniously until all of us graduate or the bottom tier dies. In this animalistic society of my school, I was the secondary predator, middle of the food chain, eating the scraps left behind by other bullies and often being eaten by them too. At the very top of the food chain was Shanaya Seth. Rich, popular, intelligent, athletic, she was Regina George if Regina George was ten times more cruel. There was nothing she could not do and she knew it.  Only she was insufferable and irresistible. She was like Nutella. You know its not good for you but you can’t help yourself. All the boys flocked to her, craving her attention but she always replied with – “You’re not good enough for me” or something along those lines.

 

I remember that day very clearly. I was early to school to finish my Literature Project. I was quietly sitting and doing my work when she walked in. She was wearing black shorts, her hair up in a ponytail, sweat dripping from her forehead. I ignored her.

 

“Good morning fatass” she said as she dropped her bag on her designated seat.

 

“Good morning bitchface” I said without looking up.
 

“Maybe you should give up boxing and join gymnastics. It would help you with your calves” she said as she pulled out her uniform from her bag.

 

“And why do you think I would want to do that?”

 

“I don’t know… you look very… flexible” she said coming up to my desk.

 

“I needed some help actually” sitting down on the table beside me.

 

“I’m not particularly good with Shakespeare. Can you teach me Merchant of Venice, the last Act” she said. I didn’t look at her.

 

“I’ll think about it. And next time maybe don’t be a bitch if you need someone’s help” I said continuing to engross myself in the real morality of Shylock.

 

“I’ll think about it” she said with that self satisfied tone of hers that makes your hairs curl before strutting out of the room to change.

 

That night, at about one, I was scrolling through Instagram when suddenly ‘shanaya_993’ sent me an address. I opened the text and found that smug face set as the DP. I did not respond to the text for sometime. After a few cups of milk and a great long video on Youtube, I finally replied –

 

‘Will be there’

 

When I told Milli what happened the next day, she was concerned. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ Was the one sentence I heard at least ten times.

 

“She makes your life miserable. Why do you want to help her?” she asked.

 

“Look if she needs help I’ll give it to her. I’m not a complete heartless sociopath and besides, it will take barely an hour” I said.

 

“What if this is some trick?”

 

“I don’t think she had the time to go out of her way and bully me. This isn’t Mean Girls”

 

“Fine. But if something happens…”

 

“If something happens, I will punch her in the face and break her perfect teeth” I said, eliciting a laugh from my best friend.

 

Between practices, studies and movies, I did not notice when Saturday came. At four, I showed up at Oberoi Heights. The watchman let me in. I went to the eighteenth floor and rang the doorbell to flat 1805.

 

Shanaya answered the door in a pair of booty shorts and a loose white tank top.

 

“Oh hey” she said with a smile as she unlocked her door.

 

“This is the first time you are happy to see me” I said.

 

“This is the first time you are experiencing Shanaya Seth’s hospitality”

 

I entered the house. It wasn’t particularly big but it was very well decorated. The fortune spent on its interior design spoke for itself. But, I didn’t not comment on it. I simply followed Shanaya to her room.

 

“There is nobody home?” I asked.

 

“Oh no. Mom and Dad are at work”

 

“And you don’t have any siblings?”

 

She shook her head.

 

“Hmm… I didn’t know that”

 

We spent the next hour studying Merchant of Venice. Lost in the world of Antonio and Shylock, it felt as if we had been friends for a long time. We talked about other people’s life, not all good things I fear. We talked about our futures, what we wanted to be. Without knowing it, I had spent a good three hours with her. Finally, when I excused myself and started packing my things, Shanaya said something I did not expect –

 

“I think it would have been great if Portia had ended up with Nerissa”

 

“I’m afraid Elizabethan England was not as open minded as us” I retorted.

 

She moved closer to me on the bed.

 

“Think about it. They are both two strong, independent, intelligent women who have known each other since they were children. Why should Portia choose this pesky gold digger she barely knows”

 

“Because she’s straight”

 

“You don’t know that”

 

She looked up at me. Her eyes seemed demanding. I sat back down on the bed beside her. Looking straight into her eyes I asked – “What do you want?”

 

I didn’t have to wait long for my answer. As I sat there, she pressed her lips against mine, demanding my submission. I closed my eyes and gave in, my arms moving to hold her. We kissed passionately. Then suddenly, before my closed eyes, flashed images of sixth grade when she had thrown a pad at my face in front of the whole class when I had gotten my first period. Then eight grade when she tackled me to the ground when we were playing basketball. I pulled away.

 

“What happened?” she asked breathless, eyes closed

 

I stood up and picked up my bag.

 

“I can’t do this. This never happened”

 

She called my name. I ignored her and walked out.

 

While I lay in bed that night, I couldn’t help but think back to what had happened. Everyone knew I was gay. And to be honest, I would be lying if I said that I was never attracted to her but I knew the kind of person she was. She was selfish. She would never want to be in a relationship with me. She would want to hide it. And I was done hiding. Besides, she had hurt me before.

 

As I lay in thought, my phone buzzed.

 

It was her.

 

Why did you leave?

 

I opened the notification.

 

You don’t want this.

 

Yes, I do.

 

Then I don’t want this.

 

Why?

 

Seriously?

 

Yes.

 

Because you used to bully me. Beside, you will never want to be with me openly.

 

And what makes you think that?

 

Really? Would you want to miss the attentions of all the boys in the school?

 

For you, I wouldn’t mind that.

 

Stop being cheesy.

 

Fine, I’ll prove it to you. But on Monday, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

What are you going to do?

 

But I didn’t get any more replies.

 

On Monday, I woke up anxious. Part of me didn’t want to go to school. Wanted to stay in bed and sulk. But the other part wanted to know what she was up to. So, reluctantly, I went in.

The classroom started filling up. People came, dumped their bags on their seats and went to their clique. Soon, Milli, Aneisha and Damini stood around my desk, asking for details from Saturday. I hadn’t replied to their texts all weekend. They seemed concerned and asked me if something was wrong. Damini offered to go speak with Shanaya but I brushed them off.

 

“I’m just not feeling that good” I lied.

 

Soon, Shanaya entered the class. Her hair perfectly braided down her shoulders. She put her bag on the seat beside mine, not next to her posy as she usually does. Then, without even saying good morning, she walked out. All this while, out entire group just stared at her and she pretended to not notice. In the assembly, I saw her standing at the door to the assembly hall while I paraded through the rows of students, checking their uniforms. At the council body meeting, we held eye contact, speaking only when necessitated. Finally, after all that when we were on our way back to class, she held onto my arms and whispered in my ear – “Don’t say I didn’t warm you” she said.

 

As we entered, instead of coming back to her seat, she stood at the front of the class. From her pocket, she pulled out a sheet of paper and then, on the top of her voice she screamed – “EXCUSE ME!”

 

The whole class went silent. In my seat, I sunk into my chair. This was bad.

 

“There is a person in this class that I really care about but, I can not be with them. Not unless I apologize. In the past, I have been a bully, I have made the lives of some people miserable. Clara, you are not fat. Megan I’m sorry I dumped soup all over you. Ritika, I’m sorry I called your art work shit. And everyone who I have been mean to, I’m sorry. Finally, Latika, will you come to the front of the class?”

 

Everyone’s eyes were fixated on me. I felt a shiver go down my spine. I felt paralyzed. I looked at Shanaya. I could almost read her eyes. ‘Please’ they said. I got up from my seat and slowly made my way to the front of the class. Almost shaking, I stood beside her. She turned to look at me.

 

“I know I have been horrible in the past. I was a child and I felt things for you and I was confused about my sexuality and I couldn’t sort things out in my brain” she said, rambling.

 

“I want to ask you in front of this whole class. Will you be my girlfriend?” I stood there and stared at her.

“Say yes!” some guy yelled. Soon, it grew to a chant. I nodded my head.

 

“Okay you two back to your seats” Sanchita Ma’am said as she looked at us from the door. Was she there all along?

 

For the first time, I had seen that woman smile as we walked to our seats. I sat down and my whole squad just couldn’t stop gushing.

 

That night, Shanaya was in my house, in my bed. She lay down next to me.

 

“I always thought you hated me” I said.

 

“I didn’t. I was just very… confused. Then when you came out last month I thought well… this couldn’t be so bad”

 

I rolled over and tucked my head in between her neck and her shoulder. She smelled like sandalwood.

 

“So you were a bitch to others because…?”

 

“Because they irritated me. And I’m warning you I might revert back to my old ways. This nice Shanaya could be a limited period offer”

 

“Don’t worry I’ll teach you how to be a normal human”

 

We both laughed.

 

People say high school romances don’t last. Well, I would like to give those people my wife’s business card. She is a celebrity therapist. Maybe, she can find a solution to your pessimism.